Saturday, August 10, 2013

Celebrate me home!

Today I attended my dear friend and coworkers husbands funeral. Dottie had been married to Jim for 39 wonderful years. There are moments and people in your life that you meet that completely change something inside of you. Today Dottie did that for me. Dottie has always been the warmest, kindest most welcoming person I've ever met. Over the past few months I've grown to know Dottie as a strong believer in God and an incredibly strong human being. Today that strength was shown in a way I can barely comprehend. See the last funeral I attended was that of my mom aka Sissy. I had to be "strong" for my grandma and my dad because I had always heard..."the hardest thing to lose is a spouse or a child." So after being as strong as possible for the both of them I was completely drained, I collapsed walking out of the funeral home, I couldn't even walk. I had nothing left for anyone else not even God or myself, so instead of embracing him and my faith I turned away from it only to find darkness and anger. Until recent years I never even went back to church. That changed 5 years ago when a friend at my old job invited me, to this day Im not sure Andrea knows how much of an impact that had on my life. Within months my now husband found me again and the rest is history. But today, today I found in Dottie something I've never known or even witnessed before. Dottie was a pillar of strength that had a solid foundation of faith and God. Of course Dottie was heartbroken and devastated but her ability to hand it over to God knowing that he had Jimmy and Jimmy was at peace with The Lord in paradise made me simply awestruck. She was doing to all what she has always done..she was warm and welcoming, grateful to us for being there and she was cracking jokes, smiling, and embracing everyone around her. Today Dottie's love for Jimmy and their ability to put Christ first in their home before all else wasn't just words it was alive. You could feel it in you, it shook you at your core. That is what faith is, that is what giving it all to The Lord is, that is what I hear people say they do....I have never actually met someone that emitted it, that wrapped you in it with them, that whole heartedly loved and breathed it. In our toughest times it's hard to show strength in faith, to let go and let I witnessed that in its purest form and my soul is rattled/shaken up...shocked. Dottie said today "God is in business" and he certainly is. Today Dottie changed my life in profound way one that will help me on my path to truly letting go and letting god. This song we sang today (read below) puts it all in focus. Thank you Jimmy, Thank you Dottie. And to Sissy...I still miss you more than all the grains of sand in the world but I will work harder at celebrating you home! When the time comes and I am standing at the river That separates the two worlds that I love, Torn between my precious friends and my family and the place of peace that’s waiting up above, Hold my hand and stay there by my side. And when I finally step into the tide, Celebrate me home! Celebrate me there. Celebrate me in that land of wonder where nothing can compare. Celebrate me in that place Celebrate me saved by grace Don’t just sit and weep because I’m gone Celebrate me Home. I have spent most of my life on earth preparing To take the trip from here to Heaven’s throne. With the Shield and Word of God to guide me Its a comfort knowing I am not alone. So when I take my final fleeting breath and fade into the gentle sleep of death, Celebrate me home! Celebrate me there. Celebrate me in that land of wonder where nothing can compare. Celebrate me in that place Celebrate me saved by grace Don’t just sit and weep because I’m gone Celebrate me Home. No more broken dreams No more tears to cry Into my Father’s arms I’ll fly. Celebrate me home! Celebrate me there. Celebrate me in that land of wonder where nothing can compare. Celebrate me in that place Celebrate me saved by grace Don’t just sit and weep because I’m gone Celebrate me Home. Celebrate me Home!

Sunday, February 17, 2013

A bath with mommy

One day while enjoying a nightly bath, a mom says to her daughter "I love you."  And the daughter, about three years old, replies "I love you too."  The mom says "How much?"  The daughter takes a few moments to think and says "I love you all the grains of sand in the world."

This phrase became one that would become treasured by the mom.  The daughter would write it on Mother's Day cards, Birthday cards, Christmas cards,etc.  This phrase was special to them both but more special to the mom, at least for the most part.

Then one day the girl, now all grown up, had to write these words she had written most of her life... the simple act would shake her to the core.  It took her about 30 minutes but she finally got it written out completely.  The words "I love you all the grains of sand in the world" was all she needed on the card on the flowers at her moms funeral.  Simple yet so very powerful and meaningful.

Even to this day when I close my eyes and say those words chills shoot through my body.  I'm that little girl that had to think so hard to find a way to describe my love for my mom through words.  Now those words mean so very much to me that to find a way to describe that emotion and connection.....well that would probably take another bath with mommy.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Shackles and chains

Feeling trapped is something that completely defies all we know as Americans. Freedom to choose, move, change, make a difference, etc.

But somehow so many issues people face in their lives are due to feeling trapped.  Somedays I feel trapped.  But we all have the ability to break free of our shackles and chains and make a change.  We just have to step out of that confinement, look toward the future, envision the goal or light at the end and start taking steps towards it.  It could take a long time or it could be quick.  Whatever makes you feel trapped, embrace it, map out your change, and do it!

I will be working on mine!

There is no easy walk to freedom anywhere, and many of us will have to pass through the valley of the shadow of death again and again before we reach the mountaintop of our desires. - Nelson Mandela

Monday, January 7, 2013

A few too many

There are many times in life we can all say we have had a few to many.

A few too many drinks, dates with the wrong person, splurges and regrets.

But there are things we all do in obsession maybe even without realizing it.  Just one more cookie.  Maybe one more little white lie, if no one knows then is it really lying.  One more diet pill.  One more  one more one more.

Now sometimes this is good.  One more mile, one more set, one more crunch.  One more kiss, hug, thank you and I love you.

But anytime one more crosses the line to obsession it's no longer healthy.  We all know The big bad no-no's: Drugs, Alcohol, Porn, Gambling, Lying, Food and Cheating

The thing that made me think hard in church today was the little things we don't think about.  Smartphones, computers, work, co-dependency, sports, credit cards, control.

I've had my fair share of obsessions in my life at some point or another:
Alcohol.  Even though I would not drink for months at a time just so I knew I was in control I still drank a lot when I did.
Working Out.  That came first before anything else for a long time in my life.
Work.  Work-a-holic I was.  Til about 2004.  No more.
Football/fantasy football- reading, memorizing stats, studying, watching, trading, etc.  I mean during football season this was all I did after my workout and with or without a beer or 6.  This year goes to show that is no longer the case.  Some weeks I completely forgot about the sport.

Most of my vices these days are small, simple, and easily fixed.
Coca cola (gotta kick it)
iPhone (maybe Ill give my phone up a few hours a day or even 1 day a week.)

Others not as easily fixed...
Control.  I used to be a control freak too.  Not really that much anymore unless I get fixated on controlling something.  Now I try to just take action and whether or not I end up being in control doesn't matter.  I am however guilty of being a control freak when I do take control.  For the most part in my old age I don't care enough to be a "freak" about anything.
Temper.  Most days my temper is as calm and cool as a summer breeze.  BUT and I mean BUT there ARE days where my calmness and ability to brush things off disappears and my temper shows.  I do not like this but my temper isn't somethng that grinds away at me daily.  It does come and go every once in a while.

There is one BIG one that I focus on and that is because of my kids.  Lying.  My dad made it very clear that lying was NOT ok and I am an "honest to a fault" kind of person because of him.  Yes Ive lied, yes I've fibbed and no there is not a difference between those two.  I'm terrible at lying.  I hope that I can show Madison and Deacon what living in an honest household is like.  That way they are not comfortable with lying or fibbing and grow up being honest kids too.  People argue all the time by saying "its just a little white lie" or "what they don't know won't hurt them"....whichever way you cut the lie its still a lie.  I lose sleep at night if I've lied and I know WAY too many people that don't.  Its sad that we talk about couples that lie to one another in church.  The little stuff too.  If you lie about stupid stuff that has no purpose you will likely lie about the big stuff that hurts.  Have I done it, yes.  Do I regret it, yes.  All in all I can't thank my dad enough for teaching me how important it is to be truthful.

As I move forward in my improvements in my life I will be trying to improve the bad habits and reduce the "few too many" items.

I'll continue to work on my issues and hopefully I can improve myself.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

In a nutshell and a tree root

New Years resolution time!!!

"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats.  I don't intend to waste any of mine." - Neil Armstrong.

My resolution in a nutshell:
 I will not waste any heartbeats this year, strive to work as hard on everything in my life as my heart does pumping that life through me.

My resolution in a tree root (long version):
Be more organized so I can be more efficient
Be more dedicated to work while at work, home while at home, the gym while at the gym, etc
Healthier (we all want to be healthier right)
Launch my business and give it my all too
Be more understanding and compassionate with the kids
Be stronger
Have fun
Give more
Love more
Inspire and be inspired

Happy New Year!!