Shackles and chains

Feeling trapped is something that completely defies all we know as Americans. Freedom to choose, move, change, make a difference, etc.

But somehow so many issues people face in their lives are due to feeling trapped.  Somedays I feel trapped.  But we all have the ability to break free of our shackles and chains and make a change.  We just have to step out of that confinement, look toward the future, envision the goal or light at the end and start taking steps towards it.  It could take a long time or it could be quick.  Whatever makes you feel trapped, embrace it, map out your change, and do it!

I will be working on mine!

There is no easy walk to freedom anywhere, and many of us will have to pass through the valley of the shadow of death again and again before we reach the mountaintop of our desires. - Nelson Mandela

A few too many

There are many times in life we can all say we have had a few to many.

A few too many drinks, dates with the wrong person, splurges and regrets.

But there are things we all do in obsession maybe even without realizing it.  Just one more cookie.  Maybe one more little white lie, if no one knows then is it really lying.  One more diet pill.  One more  one more one more.

Now sometimes this is good.  One more mile, one more set, one more crunch.  One more kiss, hug, thank you and I love you.

But anytime one more crosses the line to obsession it's no longer healthy.  We all know The big bad no-no's: Drugs, Alcohol, Porn, Gambling, Lying, Food and Cheating

The thing that made me think hard in church today was the little things we don't think about.  Smartphones, computers, work, co-dependency, sports, credit cards, control.

I've had my fair share of obsessions in my life at some point or another:
Alcohol.  Even though I would not drink for months at a time just so I knew I was in control I still drank a lot when I did.
Working Out.  That came first before anything else for a long time in my life.
Work.  Work-a-holic I was.  Til about 2004.  No more.
Football/fantasy football- reading, memorizing stats, studying, watching, trading, etc.  I mean during football season this was all I did after my workout and with or without a beer or 6.  This year goes to show that is no longer the case.  Some weeks I completely forgot about the sport.


Most of my vices these days are small, simple, and easily fixed.
Coca cola (gotta kick it)
iPhone (maybe Ill give my phone up a few hours a day or even 1 day a week.)

Others not as easily fixed...
Control.  I used to be a control freak too.  Not really that much anymore unless I get fixated on controlling something.  Now I try to just take action and whether or not I end up being in control doesn't matter.  I am however guilty of being a control freak when I do take control.  For the most part in my old age I don't care enough to be a "freak" about anything.
Temper.  Most days my temper is as calm and cool as a summer breeze.  BUT and I mean BUT there ARE days where my calmness and ability to brush things off disappears and my temper shows.  I do not like this but my temper isn't somethng that grinds away at me daily.  It does come and go every once in a while.

There is one BIG one that I focus on and that is because of my kids.  Lying.  My dad made it very clear that lying was NOT ok and I am an "honest to a fault" kind of person because of him.  Yes Ive lied, yes I've fibbed and no there is not a difference between those two.  I'm terrible at lying.  I hope that I can show Madison and Deacon what living in an honest household is like.  That way they are not comfortable with lying or fibbing and grow up being honest kids too.  People argue all the time by saying "its just a little white lie" or "what they don't know won't hurt them"....whichever way you cut the lie its still a lie.  I lose sleep at night if I've lied and I know WAY too many people that don't.  Its sad that we talk about couples that lie to one another in church.  The little stuff too.  If you lie about stupid stuff that has no purpose you will likely lie about the big stuff that hurts.  Have I done it, yes.  Do I regret it, yes.  All in all I can't thank my dad enough for teaching me how important it is to be truthful.

As I move forward in my improvements in my life I will be trying to improve the bad habits and reduce the "few too many" items.


I'll continue to work on my issues and hopefully I can improve myself.

In a nutshell and a tree root

New Years resolution time!!!

"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats.  I don't intend to waste any of mine." - Neil Armstrong.

My resolution in a nutshell:
 I will not waste any heartbeats this year, strive to work as hard on everything in my life as my heart does pumping that life through me.

My resolution in a tree root (long version):
Be more organized so I can be more efficient
Be more dedicated to work while at work, home while at home, the gym while at the gym, etc
Healthier (we all want to be healthier right)
Launch my business and give it my all too
Be more understanding and compassionate with the kids
Be stronger
Have fun
Give more
Love more
Inspire and be inspired

Happy New Year!!

Catching up

Holy WOW!!

Being home alone with a newborn and a two year old gives one ZERO time to do anything and once the day is over you are so completely emotionally and mentally drained you can't get anything done then either.

So I am way behind on updates for Madison and Deacon.

Ok.  Madison is capable of full conversations with us now.  It's so cool.  Even her thought processes make so much sense.  It's pretty impressive.  Her terrible twos are still here but getting better for the most part.  Can't wait til we are over these.

Some funny things lately:
Copying mommy and daddy by doing everything we do with Deacon to her babies.  New diapers, bouncing, patting, burping, singing, shhhhing.  It's so cute.

When you say "Madison you are so smart and so pretty."  She in turn says "and sooooo funny."  I love it!

She had us all speechless from laughter the day she told us "hold on I'm pumping" while holding up a stacking cup to her chest.  HILARIOUS!!!

Playing in her car one day she kept repeatedly getting out saying to her baby "Hold on, I forgot it." Yeah mommy does this at least once if not 3-4 times trying to get out the door once everyone is loaded in the car.

She said to me "Mommy be patient and you'll get it."  I thought I was gonna pee my pants from laughing so hard.

We have been doing gymnastics, dance and fun outings.  Her first dance recital is dec 15.  Excited!!!

Deacon is super chill and super go with the flow.  I guess we haven't given him much choice though.

I describe Madison as hungry as a baby and toddler.  She is hungry for learning, for knowing, she asks lots of questions and wants to know everything about everything.  Deacon is my "life is good" baby.  He is just relaxed and happy.  This kid smiles with his whole head and has the cutest "aw shucks" giggle and shyness about him.

Im just super blessed to have two of the best kids around.  Madison has the best laugh, she's so smart, so sweet and funny and full of life. I love learning through her.  Deacon is simply adorable, cuddly and heartwarming.

Madison is 27 months now and about 32lbs
Deacon is 3.5 months and about 17ish lbs.

Love my babies.

Calendar for caring and a pocket full of change

I have committed myself to doing some random acts of kindness as well as some direct giving next year.  I have started already, very small but it's what I can do.  I do not have extra money, I am not caught up on bills or debts, I am not flowing in funds but I do have an overflowing heart.  One that wants to give more than I could ever do on my own.

My random acts of kindness are simple, small, smile bringers.  And I am trying to share this with as many people as I can.  This is not my mission but one of a community of friends that are pushing each other to be givers randomly all year.

Giving:
time
money
love
Or all the above.

Here are a few small random acts to share:
Buying the car behind you's order at any given place (mine seems to be Starbucks)
One day I bought cookies and asked the guy at the window to hand them out to each car with their order until he ran out
Buying a newspaper from a homeless person for $20
Giving gift cards or $$ to school crossing guards that keep your kids safe
Extra tips to waiters
If you can do more then some people pay off layaways or use $100's vs $10's or $20's
We also, with our church life group, adopted a teenager in need.

I hope my small random acts make other people do the same or maybe even more.  I started now vs next year because caring has no calendar, being in need has no date, hunger doesn't have a clock.  I do not wonder when I will eat even though my budget states I'm broke, I do not question where I will sleep or how I will get from point A to B.  I do have change laying around in my car, in a drawer, in my pocket.  So I'll take my pocket of change and make other people smile while I can